Hey, this is a 'Fart-Free' zone!

Oh my fucking shit,, I woke up with serious goma! Seems me and Mrs. Barn were up late, chatting live on this FaceBook shit. As in 2300 late! She had no beers, being she is at moms and all, so I drank for her. Meaning two for every one of mine. Cause that’s the kinda guy I am. Thoughtful.
Next thing I know,, I’m HAMMERED!
I get up Sunday with a hangover you could see from space! My blood could have run a lawnmower!
My teeth were all wearing little wool sweaters.
And I gotta get ready for a chili cook-off!
OK,, buck up,, just get ‘er done.
Around 0700 I get the pork going, no problem.
1000, OK, everything is going somewhat smooth.
1100, let it all simmer,, take a nap.
1300, pack it all up and go.
Long story short. There were 12 entrees.
Me and Denise tied for 4th(honorable mention).
Ellie came in third,
Second,, was Jack Linker.
First place was Jerry! Of Jerry and Carla fame!

I did not try any of the entries, as I was in “the drinkin mode”, but it all smelled very good.

The prizes were more than I expected. I got 3 free beers and a t-shirt. (need to return it for a next larger size it now see), others got 50 and 100$ tabs! Not too shabby!
It was a great turn-out and I see many more successful cook-offs in the future.
Only one rough spot, and I know Wende hates me for bringing it up, they ran out of beer at 1730!
I had 50 bucks in my pocket, took it home with me.
Other than that,, it was a rousing success and you can bet yer ass I will enter again, but hopefully a bit more focused.



Fart:

a fart is more than just a sound. it is more than just a horrifying smell. a fart is a much more deeper emotion. it is one that touches the heart, comes straight from the stomach and reaches deep into ones soul. it takes the path from one person's ass hole and leads itself into another's nose. it touches the five senses like michael jackson touches little boys. farts are a wonderous thing especially when done in public places to offend people in restaurants, schools, banks etc. farts bring people closer together. the make music and can create a dance. so fart. fart in a car when the windows are up, fart in your friends face and fart in front of your mom.

How ya gonna keep 'em home after they been on the internet?

Things have slowed to a crawl round here. We had some guests’ cancel. He was stationed in Afghanistan and was due to be here next week with his new bride.
He got wounded and sent to Germany instead. Bummer! Germany has a fine military hospital so I am fairly sure it was a substantial injury. Let’s all wish them the best.
We have had a few military folks sty here lately. One you may remember was a son of a cousin of mine I had never met. A lieutenant in the Marine Corps. OOH RAAA! He was on his third tour and we had some great conversations while he was here. Just in case you missed it, here he is with his girlfriend.


We frequently receive requests for discounts. Mostly from airline employees.
“Hi, I work for ¬________ Air, do you offer employee discounts?
“Yes, we will offer you a discount the minute ________air offers me a discount.”
The Belizean discount requests kinda puzzle me too. What do you think would happen if I went to the some hotel in Denver and asked for a discount because I am an American? Who doesn’t need a break?
To me, the only discount offered is to active military.

OK nuff bout that shit.
I have seen some mumblings bout how bored I must be, how I am acting weird, even the animals are effected.
Well hell, we don’t have our main squeeze! The one who keeps the place clean-er, the one who feeds the cat, the one who does noogie patrol after the cat, the one who keeps the lists straight, the one keeps everything in line and happening, the brains of this operation, our bestest friend and drinking partner. Of course we are a bit off skilter.
A couple examples,, I look out the window and I see our blind cat sizing up a huge tom turkey like he was a possible meal. Looked like an episode from the animal channel. Do you think he understood how outmatched he was?


Then,, I got up from a snooze and what do I see? Scurvy, on the computer!
I had heard he was posting on FaceBook but I never saw him do it!
So, I looked at what he was doing after he hauled ass out the doggie door,. He was chatting live with some bitch named ‘Snookums’ who claimed to live in Sien Bight! She posted that she had a webcam and wanted to send him some live stuff. Scuvry asked me to get one, said it is only 80$. I assume that is in dog dollars.












Wait! What's that saying bout dogs resembling the owners?


PS. If any of you don’t think it was hard for me to get that photo of Scurvy all by myself, 2 strobes with umbrellas using cords in a 16x10 area while he is not all that happy about it, think again!

Correction: I was wrong about our guests status. Not newly married, but have a couple kids. Sorry, as you know, it's all I can do to stay afloat round here!
Oh,, and Iraq, not Afghanistan,, get my shit straight ,, geez!



I’d exercise more but when I sweat it smells like beer and that makes you thirsty.

Want to get the most out of your internet time? read on,,,

A new way to waste spend time has surfaced here lately. FaceBook.
I don’t know if it is similar to myspace or twitter or what, but I see that a growing number of peninsula residents and friends have joined up.
Small back and forth chit chat, some news updates, some business adverts, some photos and some really goofy tests games and questions.
The majority of participants seem to be women, and at least one dog.
I imagine, like most every other thing, this is far more popular up north.
And whenever one person spends more time on the internet than the next person, the first person is spending too much time!
While googling some other shit, I stumbled on this little jewel of advice to the women out there whose husbands accuse them of spending too much time on the internet.
Your welcome.

“You know how when everyone is on Facebook and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” but then more people show up and you get sucked into watching Garfunkel and Oates videos for another two hours and then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” and you’re all “Well, it’s not an ‘addiction’ when you play World of Warcraft for two days straight” and he’s all “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers” and then he says something about how you haven’t showered since yesterday and you’re all “That’s not true” but you don’t actually say it out loud because you’re too busy responding to Wil Wheaton even though you know he’s never going to reply to you but it doesn’t hurt to try and then your husband stomps off doing that loud, horrible huffy sigh thing that makes you want to stab him in the face a whole bunch?

That sucks. for. everybody. And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/roommates blow-jobs. And I know you’re suspecting that I’m tied up in a corner and that Victor is writing this and I appreciate your concern but actually, no, it’s me and hear me out. So we’re all off the internet at the same time so no one has to feel like they’re missing anything, plus when you give your honey a surprise blowjob he’s going to be all “WTF was that all about?” and then you give him this smoldering, over-the-shoulder glance and be all “Oh that? That was from the internet”. And then he’ll be all “YOU SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME”. And then we all win.

Also, if you are single then bonus for you too because you can download p0rn faster during that hour since everyone else is going be off the internet. Or you could use that time to troll for other single people on Facebook who are also not having oral sex. Because now you have something in common.”




Facebook:

MySpace's older brother that is just now hitting puberty.
"d00d, MySpace is so last month. Like, all of us MATURE people are on facebook, duh"

Dose that light,,, UPDATED!! AGAIN!!

Went to the village today. I forgot some shit Tuesday wanted to go back today and get more parts for a couple projects we got going on. The road progress is getting closer and closer to us.
I asked the guys when a ‘boss’ would come by and let me know about my truck shade. They said ‘soon Boi, soon.” I have been putting it off in the hopes I don’t have to move it. We shall see, soon Boi, soon.

I have been trying to shoot bats again (good beer drinking sport) but the little bastards must have found a new sugar daddy who’s banana’s they like better cuz only 2 have been round and they don’t stay long?

Since I have become addicted to using my strobes, most of my projects that are rattling round my brain compartment involve shooting either at dusk or after.
If the sun is bright, I have trouble competing with that light source, big fucker that he is!
So, in order to be able to shoot during bright days inside the house, I bought this bulb.

I have been lead to believe that when I screw it in and flick the switch, this bulb will absorb any ambient light in the area! Make the area go to dark. Thus giving me complete control even during daylight!
It should even work when I want to take a snooze round noon I should think!
This shit gets easier and easier.
Stay tuned for a evaluation of this new light source.



The last couple days the Turkey family has been hangin round. I like hearing their gobbles.
So I have been slinging bread slices to ‘em. They chomp ‘em down!
I suppose I am ‘pre-stuffing’ them for their big day?

It was soooooo slow here a couple days ago, I took to shooting water drops.
Lame? Yes,,no?






UPDATE:

I found some vegetable spring rolls at The EveryDay market today.
At the risk of never getting any more,, GO GET SOME!!
Fuck they are good!
There frozen, thaw them out, and fry in oil.
Here is the translation to "There fuckin good"!
方式性交好! according to Babblefish,,,

DOUBLE UPDATE: In the first Babblefish translation I typed in 'way fucking good'.
Just for grins I just typed it in reverse, Chinese to English,
"The way sexual intercourse is good" was the result.
Sexual intercourse with a spring roll. OK,, I'm not above that,,,,

TRIPLE UPDATE: I am not very good at the road progress updates, but Sharon is.
You can keep up with her reports here.





Blacklight Tattoo:

A blacklight tattoo is a tattoo that is done in uv reactive ink. If the entire tattoo is done in uv ink it is not visible under normal light and is only visible when displayed under a blacklight. Another use for the ink is to highlight existing tattoos and to have effects such as causing the eyes of a dragon tattoo to glow under black light. The ink is only visible on lighter skin tones. And although certain manufacturers of the ink have been accused of peddling carcinogen laced ink, one brand name has remained unscathed. Chameleon Ink produces the only FDA approved tattoo ink in the industry.
"Yo, I was clubbing and saw this girl's back glowing... I think she had one of those blacklight tattoos."

MOOOOOOM, I WANT SOME CHEZZEY POOFS!

What’s a couple of the best ways to tell Mrs. Barn is not in the immediate area? Well,, there a actually quite a few.
#1. Music is heard at ‘Chez Barnacle at the buttcrack of dawn.
#2. I wonder the peninsula looking totally lost.
#3. Some stranger than normal photos start showing up in various places.
#4. I never make the bed. It was great when I got out of it,, why fuck up a good thing?
#5. And this one is a dead give-away,, CHEEZEY POOFS!!
That’s right. When she is around they are not allowed in the house. Partly because they are not nesisacarily the best food source available, but mostly she can’t keep her mitts out of the bag either!

If I even try to toss a bag into our shopping bucket I get more grief than any man should.
“The fuck yer puttin dem poofs in dat bag”.
She gives me more shit than any other female on earth! But,, rest assured, I give it back with style.
Well, she can just sit back and imagine how good this bag of Chezzey Poofs is going to be!
Reminds me of the old story about the Canadian who went to the doctor because his wiener was orange. The Doc was all “I don’t know what’s wrong, eh, what are your weekly habits,, eh?”
“Oh Doc,, my routine never really changes eh. I work all week at the LaBatts brewery, and every night I watch hockey on my couch and eat cheetos.”
Ok, and in case any of you are curious bout the color of my dick,, I will be glad to show you. No Cheeto residue here!
Wow,, words I’ve never said before!
This blogging shit can really bring out the best in a fella!

So,, here are some of those out-of-the-norm photos I mentioned. Plus a couple bats and a hummer I got last night while waiting for the bats to show. Only a couple bats showed before I said ‘fuckit’ and went inside, but I’ll try again tonight.
Check out the geckos at the banana troft, AND,, look at the size of the knads on that little bastard!!. click to enlarge,,,(not that you have to,,) I could make chili outa 5 of them!


And on to Lola,, I have received a few comments aboot about how to get her some cash.
She wants to get ‘er done next week, so the best way will be to get me your C.C. info and I will either charge it here and give her the cash, or get her the #’s and she will charge it.
You guys are awesome fuckin great!!!










Cheetos:

Obsession while you are under the influence of marijuana
-Where the fuck are my cheetos?!!!
- Oh God not again!! I don't know where your cheetos are!
-Ok *crash*
-Oh no not the good china!!
-Where are they? If I don't have my cheetos Im gonna die.
-I dont know where they are I swear
-LIAR! *punch*
-Ahhh not my hair...oh...god. *breaths*...Fucking stoner

Battle of the Bands! With an UPDATE!

I gotta admit. In the years we been doin this gig, we have met some very interesting folks. Many come back almost every year. We do have a large return visit crowd! I’ve always said we provide more fun than any of the fancy-pants places. And Mango’s has usually played a big part in that fun.
Anyone remember this couple from ’05? When I got this email I recognized the names but couldn’t put a face to it. Till I saw the video,, Oh yea,, I remember that night at Mango’s!
Pretty cool I say!!



Bill and Adriane,

I thought you'd enjoy this video of a song I wrote shortly after our visit with you in Feb., 2005.
It's called IF I LIVED IN BELIZE.
I recorded it this morning in my kitchen. You guys are the first ones to receive it. It's only fitting! The quality is up to Belize standards.....

Just think about how famous you guys will be after this very hot video spans the globe!

Not a day goes by that we don't speak of you and Belize in one way or another. We so enjoyed ourselves.

Patty introduces the song in our shows with the story about the Battle of the Bands that night at Mangos, and our ride home in the back of your truck with Scurvy.

We hope to get back for another vacation with you soon, in the meantime......enjoy the song.

Best regards,

Mike and Patty McDougal







UPDATE:
Our friend Lola is having some medical problems. She needs some surgery and is asking for help to cover the costs.
It’s one of those female plumbing things,,,,

As we all know Lola is not the hands out type so she came up with an idea. Everyone who donates monetary funds towards Ms Lola's operation gets a Gift Certificate with the amount given and their names on it. The Certificate is redeemable up to 2010 at Lola's Art Gallery.

Bear in mind that she has art pieces from $22.00 Bz to $2000.00.
We need some new art for our rooms so we will be participating!
Help Lola out,, she’s good folk!