Friday, June 5, 2009

Want to get the most out of your internet time? read on,,,

A new way to waste spend time has surfaced here lately. FaceBook.
I don’t know if it is similar to myspace or twitter or what, but I see that a growing number of peninsula residents and friends have joined up.
Small back and forth chit chat, some news updates, some business adverts, some photos and some really goofy tests games and questions.
The majority of participants seem to be women, and at least one dog.
I imagine, like most every other thing, this is far more popular up north.
And whenever one person spends more time on the internet than the next person, the first person is spending too much time!
While googling some other shit, I stumbled on this little jewel of advice to the women out there whose husbands accuse them of spending too much time on the internet.
Your welcome.

“You know how when everyone is on Facebook and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” but then more people show up and you get sucked into watching Garfunkel and Oates videos for another two hours and then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” and you’re all “Well, it’s not an ‘addiction’ when you play World of Warcraft for two days straight” and he’s all “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers” and then he says something about how you haven’t showered since yesterday and you’re all “That’s not true” but you don’t actually say it out loud because you’re too busy responding to Wil Wheaton even though you know he’s never going to reply to you but it doesn’t hurt to try and then your husband stomps off doing that loud, horrible huffy sigh thing that makes you want to stab him in the face a whole bunch?

That sucks. for. everybody. And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/roommates blow-jobs. And I know you’re suspecting that I’m tied up in a corner and that Victor is writing this and I appreciate your concern but actually, no, it’s me and hear me out. So we’re all off the internet at the same time so no one has to feel like they’re missing anything, plus when you give your honey a surprise blowjob he’s going to be all “WTF was that all about?” and then you give him this smoldering, over-the-shoulder glance and be all “Oh that? That was from the internet”. And then he’ll be all “YOU SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME”. And then we all win.

Also, if you are single then bonus for you too because you can download p0rn faster during that hour since everyone else is going be off the internet. Or you could use that time to troll for other single people on Facebook who are also not having oral sex. Because now you have something in common.”


MySpace's older brother that is just now hitting puberty.
"d00d, MySpace is so last month. Like, all of us MATURE people are on facebook, duh"


Sue W said...

I admit I am on Facebook. My kids made me do it. (I'm one of Fiona's friends!)

Anonymous said...

Start a revolution!!!!!! Hahahahahaha!
As usual - you made my day!

Beth said...

I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned that you’re allotting an HOUR…

And, great…now I’m wondering if anyone has evah tweeted while doing the same….

Cindy in Bainbridge said...

Okay! But my kids are still up at that time so it could be awkward. I guess I should point them in the direction of the helpful porn benefit that this worldwide sensation will allow. It’s time they learned how the world really works. I should be back online by 8:02.

ZEUS said...

I just told my wife that I would get off the computer Friday night so that she could give me a blowjob. She kicked me in the balls. Did I not read your instructions correctly??

Anonymous said...

Too funny. An hour?? Thats two minutes for you, and 58 for me, right? I see someone has got something on his mind! I'll be home soon!!

sandy a said...

hahahahaha....except that stuff usually only takes about 15 minutes....

rabbitmoon said...

need a friend for 3 minutes....i like the sharing concept too. i know a few male counterparts who have been enjoying making comments or partaking with news feeds to facebook....i know you are lonely for your woman...separation makes for fondiling (spelling) better! big brother to myspace is so correct!