Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Time to get yer Umpalumpa's in a huddle,,,

Slow season here. Happens every year. Some business’s shut down for repairs and/or a break. Good for me, bad for some others. The ones who really take advantage of this time are the buglars. The little motherfuckin assholes really get at it.
You have to stay on your toes cause I swear, you let your guard down for just a second and they will find your weak spot.
I blame the GOB. They are responsible for the unemployment rate. Some people are hungry. But deep down I believe these thieves are just lazy dicks who don’t want to work. They look at thieving as a job, and it can pay well. They know the odds of being caught are so low it is laughable. Scared away or foiled in their attempts but hardly never caught.
I have spent a few nights on stake-out hoping to get a chance to do some batting practice with my aluminum bat, but none so far.

As they would say back in ‘Nam, “we had some zips in the wire last night”.
Yep, bad guys were probing our perimeter for weakness’s and found one out in the shop by the road.
They removed a couple louvers and could have gained access. But it appears one of two things happened.
1. Our top notch K-9 security system went into I’M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU mode and scared them off.
2. They looked inside and decided there was nothing worth their trouble to steal.
Either way, only damage was the 2 louvers.
Mango’s on the other hand was not so lucky.
They lost a few big ticket items the same night to most likely the same a-holes.

So as a result, because I am still hesitant to recruit that bunch of midget gay guys to roam the compound, I gave Scurvy a code red, DEFCON-5.

That is his highest state of alertness before going into full blown snapping, snarling, salivating, teeth gnashing, rip your fuckin nuts right off and piss on your face mode.
Because Umpalumpa’s? They just ain’t right.

So if you come round here anytime soon, announce your arrival and watch your nuts!


RPM said...

Think Claymores. Nothing says "Surprise!" quite like a Claymore.

Anonymous said...

It looks like you need to beer the dog, poor thing is pooped from a hard nights work!

Larry said...

Been reading your blog for a couple of years now Bill and really enjoy your writing 'style' and photos. Am familiar with western and northern BZ, but not so much your area.

Anyway, this last time in reference to thievery, you said "I blame the GOB. They are responsible for the unemployment rate".

I just want to know how/what the GOB can do about the employment rate. You surely had 'something' in mind that the GOB should do, and I'm just asking what it is.

By the way, as a theft B/E deterrent I use 4 large dogs here in Punta Gorda (Florida) and it works for me! Of course I also have a variety of firearms available but since that option is not legal for you, I'd definitely suggest MORE big dogs!

Anonymous said...

Brother Bill,

Just wanted to let you know that I am back in the camo/combat mode.

Am doing nightly surveillance in the Breach Area from 11:00 P.M. to 5:30 A.M.

Them fuckin thieves better hope I don;t catch them in the act, or they might wish the Police caught them.

rick cadieux said...

Sounds like the umpalumpa's would be in a puddle, in that huddle. Hopefully the puddles aren't too deep, or your umpa's are taller than mine.

Me said...

Don't beat around the bush! Funny blog....gonna add it to my blog list if you don't mind...