Sunday, July 10, 2011

Just making some mental notes,,,

Well lets see, here I go again trying to find some shit to talk about when there really is not much to choose from.
Still raining.
How bout that?
No,, well there just ain't much.
I have been going over in my head some things I should and should not say to the International Living folks.
I believe some of this rant should be left out.

I.L. “so tell us what made you decide to leave the good ‘ol U.S. of A.?”

Me: One day I found myself standing in line at my local supermarket, at 9pm on a Wednesday, buying groceries. Burned-out from working on boilers for the last 20 years. I stood there with a pounding headache and a sore neck, hoping my credit card wouldn’t be declined once I took the place of the overfed hog of a woman in front of me (who was paying for everything with food stamps and/or coupons, and wasn’t even attempting to keep her screaming brood of snot-faced rug rats under control). I summoned every last ounce of patience I had left to remain calm, collected and minimally polite. As the vein in my forehead started to throb, I fantasized about standing in line at a gun store, hoping my credit card wouldn’t be declined, so I could buy an AK-47 and indiscriminately massacre everyone in this place.

What ya think? In or out?

I.L. “But life in the states can be very good. Sounds like you had a decent life going for you.”

Me: Sure, those of us in the modernized West have transcended the assorted woes of our past: we’re not fighting off wild animals with our bare hands, nor dying by the millions of plague or starvation. But nevertheless, modern grown-up everyday life can still be a real headache: rent, insurance, phone bills, gas bills, water bills, electrical bills, medical bills. Taxes, debt, collection agencies, inflation, recession, depression. Soul-crushing day jobs, deadlines, unpaid invoices, downsizing. Gridlock, fender benders, parking tickets, roadside repairs, police sirens. Backaches, doctor’s appointments, root canals. Aggressive panhandlers, door-to-door solicitors, vengeful neighbors, nagging relatives, barking dogs, obnoxious teenagers. et cetera.


In for sure!


















The problem with most cops is they have a hard time telling the difference between a felony and just fucking around.

(overheard as he explained how he was arrested for "not a goddamned thing.")

12 comments:

Carole said...

You left out fighting off "developers" in Belize. And let it go at that. There's too much backstory to repeat. To repeat is to relive.

RPM said...

That first bit perfectly described my life. You gotta leave it in.

catdance62 said...

Gotta leave in the first part. Perfect.

Anonymous said...

I like it all, but you probably left out the real bad stuff .

Pandora's Aquarium said...

When people ask you why you left the states and why Belize, my bet is they're really asking "can you show me how to do it?" LOL!

Anonymous said...

"Overfed hog...(on)...food stamps"

Thanks for the imagery.

Roseanne B.

Anonymous said...

Thats great i can just see that now , good stuff . hey does the B stand for Barr

H. said...

Ohh buy the way ,NICE BEER !!!!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice the mole on her? Godda look hard. It's there.
TC
Barn, you need a vacation or a case of beer. But I must agree witcha

Dave said...

Been reading and enjoying your blog for a few years, always good for a laugh. I live in the north, Corozal area, so it's always nice to get the southern news.
Do they pay you for your interview? Just asking as I was reading on the net, and found this https://orders.internationalliving.com/121SBW11/W121M700/landing.html

Two of my friends are interviewed on this portion, Lynn and Bill. I have not seen them to ask if they got paid, but I'm thinking that if International Living is selling the results, perhaps your contribution should be rewarded.

Once again, thanks for sharing your wonderful writing style and stories with us, much appreciated, Corozal Dave

Anonymous said...

Barn,

I'm shocked by the AK47 stuff!!! Have you learned nothing? Buy American, man! Doesn't Colt or SnW make an option?

Anonymous said...

If you absolutely, positively have to kill every Motha Fucka in the room, AK47 except no substitute.

and I saw Barn pinch some money out of the tip jar at the VIP last night.