Sunday, March 7, 2010

When you absolutly, positivly have to have it,,,,

I don’t know. This is just too weird for me.
I have (apparently) entered an area I have not seen since 1976. Well, I take that back. I briefly visited again around 1979 or so.
In ’76 I enlisted into the Navy. The next 3 months were virtually beer free, boot camp you unnerstan.
Then it was back to normal till that stint around ’79 where we were out to sea for 41 days! Without seeing land! No beer then either.
Those dry spells were defiantly NOT my idea. I didn’t make that decision.
But it looks like I am in full control of this one.
Heres the deal: a crate of beer costs 48.75bz (24.50us or so), OK, and I can lay waste to about 5 a week, beat them till they’re flat!
That’s roughly 122 US bucks a week on beer.
I have a huge hard-on for this fisheye lens but that bastard is priced at 656US.
So, I came up with this hair-brained idea, (Mrs. Barn had some play in it), to give up beers for 30 days. 30 FUCKIN DAYS! BY MY OWN FREE WILL?

Am I nuts? Will I die?
Granted, on occasion I can’t sleep at night because I can hear my liver crying, but if I roll over it usually drowns out, probably by whatever beer is sloshing round in there.
If I can pull this off, it will no doubt make it all the more worthwhile. That’s what my Mom always told me anyway. Yea,,Like she ever wanted a fisheye lens.

So heres the idea. However I can come up with 656$ (already have a couple hundred I think), I get my lens and begin fishin! The fastest way I know how is to quit spending money on beer. (FUCK)
I have checked and re-checked the fine print and I don’t see anywhere that I can’t drink beer I did not spend money on.
So, if anyone sees me wandering round the hood, all glassy eyed, parched, speaking in mumbles, looking all confused and shit, feel free to buy me a beer. It won’t break any of the rules and you may save me from certain unacceptable behavior. Like keep me from showing up at the taverns ‘Jumpin strays’. (Stealing unattended or abandoned beers)

A warning: upcoming posts may very well be a bit,,off. This could send my entire system in a tailspin. And just for laughs, I’ll put up a poll and you can all make your predictions.
And once this is done, I’ll see you at the ‘OUTERVENTION’! and if all goes according to plan, I’ll have 5 cases to celebrate with.

Back to my 'ol self,, 600 smackers later,,,,,


RPM said...

Good God man, don't go getting all crazy on us! Give up beer?!?! Why not give up some luxury item like food or do what my boss did when the minimum wage went up and raise prices. You know a "service charge".

RPM said...

I almost forgot to add this. When I was in the Coast Guard we had a beer ration while underway, but our captain was a tea toddler. Each time we got underway we would roll 200 cases of beer onboard and stow it in the Beer Locker. When we got back to port we would roll the same 200 cases back onto the dock.

The Armory was less guarded than that Beer Locker. Fortunately, I was friends with the Chief Gunners Mate. Did you know you can fit a case of whiskey in a MK51 5" gun barrel?

sandy a said...

we'll just see......

Anonymous said...

In my experience, when you give up booze for a month, you will drop poundage as well.

Anonymous said...

Brother Bill,

If you just want an alcohol fix really cheap, buy U a pint of Red Cap, pretty much 100% alcohol and dilute it to make a litre. Cost is $4 BZ for a pint which goes a long way. Then U can mix it with a fruit juice which gives you a healthy drink
for less than a $1. Pretty fuckin cheap if U ask me.

Anonymous said...

Are you accepting donations?

Anonymous said...

OMG....did you warn Wallen's? Will they still be in business when this insanity is over??? Is there life after no beer? We will miss you at the bowling alley's Jungle Lounge! Good luck...can't wait to see the outcome of the photos! Hope it is all worth it!

Pam and Bob

Harley said...

Hi Boss, FTM2nd Class, USS Bagley FF 1069, 1982-85. I see we've been called up on a "Top Priority" Mission. I look forward to standing by your side and shaking hands with the banner "Mission Accomplished" in the back ground of a said fishy photo. Please relay coordinates for your acceptance of "Mission Fundage." Cursed be he who allows a Belikin to pass it's expiration date. For that is our Unwavering Mission.... I Fear if We Fail this blog will Self-Destruct in 10 seconds.....

Barnacle said...

hey,,i was a BT2 on DE 1064 lockwood, and DE 1058 meyerkord with a short stint on cg31 sterrit.
1064 and 1058 were out of yokosuka, sterrit SD.
the DE's had a 5in 54 cal on the bow.

yes! i am at battle stations right now!!!

Anonymous said...

You might give up beer and then start on rum...

Anonymous said...

I hear dried banana peel's can give you a buzz. But not that I've tried.
anonymous for a reason

StuckInTulsa said...

How about a fundraiser for Barn's cause? If each person who voted in the poll contributed US$20 he would be well on his way to fish eye heaven. I know that I have gotten well over $20 worth of entertainment since I started following his blog.

Anonymous said...


Like the idea of inexpensive local spirits diluted up and then mixed with local fruit juice to make a Mangotini for example. Just remember to take some ibuprofen for the conjurer-induced headaches that might accompany these local spirits. Heard the local gin is good for sand fly bites, but not for actual consumption.

Perhaps the $20 per vote is a beter idea after all. It will save white matter, needed for composing great photo images with that fisheye.