Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It just goes on and on and on and on and on,,,

Here we are. Well, here I am anyway. Smack dab in the middle of day #11.
Yes it does seem like it has been for-fucking-ever since I cuddled up to a nice, cold beer.
I am not seeing any benefits yet except maybe I rake the property a bit more often but that’s about it. Oh, and saving money. Mrs. Barn checked yesterday and was happy to report that I am nearly half way to my destination!
Let me tell you, when this is over there will be a bender to end all benders. I’m gonna pound Belikins till the linoleum reaches up and smacks me in the face!
Let me share a few items I have learned over the years, bearing in mind that Mrs. Barn maintained her ‘amateur’ drinking status until we moved her.
Then she turned pro.
Heres some snappy comebacks you may find useful,,,

WHY DO YOU DRINK SO MUCH?
Circular:
I’m trying to make up for your disgraceful lack of effort.
Compassionate: With the economy the way it is do you really want to put 50 Belikin workers out on the streets?
Logical: Because if I don’t drink that beer someone else will.
Patriotic: Because Osama doesn’t want me to.
Religious: Jesus said his blood was wine and I’m trying to get closer to the Lord.

ARE YOU HUNGOVER AGAIN?
Contrary:
Fuck no, I’m still drunk.
Defensive: You try mixing Belikin, One Barrel and Crystal and see how you feel.
Disdainful: Something has to fill in the nasty little valleys between benders.
Optimistic: Not as soon as those 5 ‘Red beers’ I had for breakfast kick in.
Politically Correct: Hangover is such a hurtful word. I prefer ‘Post Party Syndrome’. I’m the victim here!


YOU SHOULD JOIN AA
Agreeable:
Sure, as long as the meetings finish up before happy hour.
Ambitious: I don’t want to be anonymous! I want to be somebody, anybody.
Patriotic: Did Churchill give up during the Blitz? Did FDR surrender after Pearl Harbor? If it was up to you we would be drinking Schnapps and Sake right now.

AND ONE I USE LATELY
“Can I buy you a beer Barn?”
“No thanks, I quit for 30 days, but I’ll take the money.”

Brought to you by UFFA
The United Front of Functional Alcoholics.
“Dedicated to keeping you on the job and in the bag”

6 comments:

Dave + Dianna Rider said...

Barn - What're you saving your money for, a new lense?

Barnacle said...

Yes, this one,,
http://www.kenrockwell.com/nikon/105fe.htm

JRinSC said...

Boy, day 11 and halfway already. You might even remember what a cold one tastes like if you only have a 22 day break in the action!!

I admire you... I would have saved my money by walking down the roads looking for tossed empty Belikin bottles. I understand you get 25 cents each!!! Of course that may be in Belizean Dollars... LOL

Anonymous said...

Maybe I didn't understand earlier. Did you stop drinking for 30 days? or did you just stop buying to save for the len's.
TC

RPM said...

Hang in there Barn. I'm trying to pick up the slack you left in the line!

Herb & Sim said...

Even resisting our invitation- now we have to say- we believe in you- you´ll make it!! BTW: congrats the blogspot is the website of the day on www.belizenews.com