Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I never said that,, uh uhh, no way!

Her: Your turn to take the dog for a walk.
Me: I can’t today, my foot hurts.
Her: what? Again? That’s the third time this year. You drink too much beer, you have Gout.
Me: Oh bullshit, I don’t drink too much beer. And besides what’s that got to do with my foot?
Her: It is known that gout can be caused from excessive beer consumption and it attacks the joints, mostly in the feet and big toe.
Me: What fucking fantasy show did you learn this from? Geez, I mean really.

At this point I headed for the computer to scour the internet to prove her wrong. But it turns out the internet is broken. And by “broken” I mean “apparently written by Mrs. Barn”. This whole thing was like an elaborate ruse to get me to admit that I’m wrong and to delete this post. Well, guess what? It’s not working.
But there’s a chance she could be right. Even so, I can deal with it. Every now and again I can hobble around for a few days with the condition I call “Beer Toe”, or as I hear, "Toeleo". I can still get to the beer cooler OK.
There are very few things I can’t or won’t say but there is a new phrase coming out I just can’t get my voice to utter. My mouth won’t form the words. I just can’t get myself to say it. I even tried, twice!
Words I doubt you will ever hear me say,,,,”I can’t drink that beer. It makes my toe hurt.”
Go ahead. Hand me a beer and try to get me to blurt that out. Ain’t gonna happen.
But for now, Beer Toe has subsided so it’s my turn to take Scurvy down the beach.

It's OK Pluto. I'm not a planet either.


NorthSideSue said...

Once the gout episode subsides, get yourself on daily dose of allopurinal.
Then drink all the beer you want!

sandy a said...

we have a good friend whom you will probably meet at one point that suffers from gout. He gets bad attacks in his toes and worse, his knee. His doc told him to quit drinking beer and switch to clear hard liquor when he drinks. Also, you're supposed to limit certain foods. There are some medications you can take to reduce the incidence of attacks too.

Anonymous said...

welcome to the club Barn!

sandy a said...

What NorthSideSue said--allopurinal

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your pain from gout..Watch the food and get something to relieve the pain


Anonymous said...

I had a crystal come out of my foot. I thought it was a rock that some how got imbedded into my toe. It took several weeks to come out. When I finally dug it out cause I couldn't walk, It was a rock. Wife said, you got the first stage of Gout. GOUT!!!!!!!!!!!????????? What the puck is that????? I switched to Crystal Rum. Same buzz, less expensive and no more rocks in my foot.
pucks when women are right. ooooooooops I didn't say that.

NorthSideSue said...

This should not be optional for you. Allopurinal is a cheap drug, with few side effects, and the major benefit...you can drink beer!

Anonymous said...

Brother Bill,

U need to listen to your older brother a little more.

I thought I told U all about that beer drinking and uric acid shit.

It definitely helps to take allopurinol, however, I don't recommend U do this on a permenant basis and still drink beer.

Also, some foods are high in uric acid such as bakers yeast, red meat, organs, shellfish, and certain beans.

It would be better to think about changing to a clear local rum.

I know that is easier said than done. Good luck. Getting old sucks and it ain't for sissies.

Barnacle said...

thanks for all the advice,, but switching to rum is the LAST thing i want to do!
i tried to get the drugs allopurinol, but i needed a prescription, bummer. i hear a daily dose of vitamin C will help as well.
if it don't get any worse, i can live with it.
beer beer beer beer,,,,,

Julian in SC said...

Well, Barn.. I googled "gout beer wine" and got this:

Beer drinking more likely to cause gout than wine
Main Category: Alcohol / Addiction / Illegal Drugs
Article Date: 16 Apr 2004

Beer drinking is more likely to cause gout than wine, alcohol consumption generally is linked to gout, according to a new study.

If you drink two or more beers a day your risk of developing gout goes by two-and-a-half (compared to people who do not drink beer). This is according to an American study that was carried out on 47,000 male medical staff.

If you have a couple of spirit drinks a day your risk goes up by 1.6. Two glasses of wine a day, on the other hand, does not increase your risk of gout.


As your brother said: "Getting old sucks" or something like that.


NorthSideSue said...

My husband, who is currently basking in the sun in Grand Cayman, has had hugely painful bouts with gout. He takes allopurinal on a daily basis, and has not had "beer toe" since. And he does drink beer. (We have a half barrel on tap on our deck!)