Saturday, February 27, 2016

I, state your name, do solemnly swear,,,,

Here’s some interesting shit.
A few months ago the US Embassy decided they needed a new Warden for this area. Seems the last one got fired. (another story)
So I was approached by some neighbors/drinkin buddies and asked if I wanted the job. Seemed like something interesting to do.
So I said Sure!
So bigger n shit, a few months later I met with my new ‘boss’/hottie for beers while she interviewed me. (thanks for the beers tax payers)
I got my package of supplies I could need and she thanked me and sent me on my way.
So what does a Warden do you ask? Well, not much. Mostly help spread whatever word the US embassy wants to get out to the US citizens. Emergency alerts, passport changes, and just help in whatever way they can.
Yesterday was the annual Warden’s luncheon at the Ambassadors house.
Yea, I had to find a clean pair of shorts and a shirt that Mrs. Barn thought fit the required dress code of ‘business casual’. Oh, and some shoes.
First half of the morning was listening to some speakers and just general crap we needed to know. A top cop, a immigration mucky muck, and FBI guy, and our ‘contacts’ at the embassy all spoke for a bit while we chomped on cake and coffee.
Then they packed our happy asses into a bus and took us to the other side of the compound to the Ambassador’s house for lunch.
Hey, I want you all to rest assured, your tax dollars were well spent on his humble digs.
Wholey shit, what a nice place! It could be confused for Pablo Escabars house!
I was not privy to a tour but glancing around after meeting Hiz Honor, you can tell what it was.
We all went out to the back yard which was of course landscaped perfectly where they had 4 tables set up for us and a chow line of food.
Got my grub and scammed a nice spot at one table.
Biggr n shit, Hiz Honor and his wife sat right next to me!
We chatted about some stuff, not the stuff I would normally chat about but it was pleasant. Nice guy and his wife too.
So lunch was good and when it was over he gave us a little attaboy speech, and then we packed back on the bus and made our way back to the embassy parking lot.
As we were leaving they gave us all our complimentary body bags!
You heard me right. The cops don’t have any so if someone croaks in my area, I supply the body bag and depending on the circumstances, a ride to the morgue in ‘Griga!
I think it depends on whether or not the cops are available or something.
Anyway, Mrs. Barn said flat out “no fuckin dead bodies in the new car”!
So Frank said I could haul whoever in the Mango’s truck.
Mom would be proud, if she could understand!
So all in all it was an interesting day. No terrorists showed up, not that they could do any damage. The fuckin doors to the place are 4in thick solid heavy muthers! It surprises you when you try to pull one open!
So lets hope there is no dying on my watch. Goddammit.


RPM said...

Well congrats, Barn! Warden, huh? So how do I address you now? What we have here is a failure to communicate.

While we're on the subject, Ambassador to Belize has to be a pretty cushy gig. It could be a whole lot worse... like North Korea, Iran or Libya. Pretty sure those guys give out more than 2 bags.

Donna Finnegan said...

Dearest Warden Barnacle

I am glad to read about what you are up to. The body bags made me laugh out loud. You can't make this stuff up! Please keep it coming.

Donna Finnegan
US Friend and Fan