Friday, May 20, 2011

I thought I was wrong once, turns out I was wrong. UPDATED!

I panicked. OK, what would you have done?
Let me backup just a touch and ‘splain myself.
Maybe or maybe not you have heard about May 21st being the day for RAPTURE. The day all the good people get whisked away to some mythical place leaving all us heathens behind to suffer party until oct 21st when the world will explode.
Well imagine my surprise when after waking up from a nap, I walk out to the DoubleWide and find what’s left of Mrs. Barn!
I mean they took her! They fucking took all of her. Only thing left was the clothes she was wearing. Even got her in mid-beer!

I back up, grab my head and tried to find some logic in it all.
Why would they take her but leave me behind? Or are they just going in alphabetical order? Why would they take her at all??
What the fuck will I do now? How will I get by?
As I fall to my knees, throw my arms to the sky and scream WHY, WHY TAKE HER,, WHY.
I was then reduced to a whimpering puddle of goo when I heard her voice. Not from above but from below?
What the,,,, there it is again. She seems to be calling me some sort of dipshit?
Then I see her coming up the stairs. I rub my eyes, can it be?
“What the fuck you doin layin on the deck? You look like an asshole.”
Yep, it’s her alright.
“I thought you had been taken by the body snatchers, and all that was left was your clothes.”
“Oh fer fucks sakes, I spilled my beer, had to change clothes, and went down to check our beer supply. You need to bring up a case, now.”
“Oh, Ok, I just thought, I didn’t know, you could have been, see theres this thing,,, nevermind.”

For a minute there, I thought I might have to party the next 5 months alone. Just for a minute tho.

That makes as much sense as a dolphin crawling across your ceiling while your toaster plays "Sweet Home Alabama." I'm glad I didn't do any acid that night. Those are the moments you really want to be clearheaded for.


Carole said...

Same here! What a coincidence!!!

Dave + Dianna Rider said...

Is this some sort of reality show that we're all (potentially) involved in - 'Day of the Body Snatchers?'

I can hear the line now, "Man, they really roll up the streets here at six PM sharp, don't they?"

sandy a said...

best post-rapture blog post I've read yet!

Anonymous said...

Yo Barn,

Glad you guys are still with us. It sure has been a fun-filled week with some embarrasment potential. First the Center for Disease Control issues guidance in case ther is a Zombie Apocalypse ( Pretty much similar to what you need to have on hand for other disasters. Just don't get bitten by one of them.

Then The Rapture.

Now, it was suggested to some of us that if we were left behind, it might be a good idea to secure extra supplies ... possibly by looting the homes of the departed. Boy that could have made for some really awkward moments this morning!

Take care (and don't spill any more beer!)

Anonymous said...

I thought Mrs. Barn only drank rum?

RPM said...

The real reason why the rapture didn't happen:

Oooooh Yeeeaahhhh!!!