Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I could have died!

I’m sitting here at home reflecting on the success of my last year’s New Year’s Resolution, which was to never, ever come up with New Year’s Resolutions again. It worked out well, if by “worked out well” you mean “failed to accomplish anything of value at all”. Which I do. So, yay me.

But I can’t really say that. I did do a few things. Take that stalker I had haunting me for awhile. I pissed him/her right the fuck off! Again, yay me!
And I am sure I managed to get someone else’s panties in a bunch. Not too tough really.
Accomplishments? Well, depends on how you look at it I suppose.

I made another year without seeing the inside of a jail cell. And anytime that happens I consider that a good year!!!

A couple interesting things have happened and one coming up.
The bats are back in swarms. I swear at one time there is about 30-40 of them swooping by with about 5 at a time on the bananas.

It was so fun one night, and there was so much beer guzzled, one of our guests was coerced into sitting on the steps while we laid bananas out on his hat. The bats did not disappoint! A video was shot and promised to be mailed to me soon.

I have not got the chance to improve on my single bat photos but I have some ideas. In the meantime, Mrs. Barn sez she will try to get a great shot of as many as she can get in one frame. Here is a start.

Had a box of Cuban cigars here. Sold 2 of them.

I have never been a cigar fan, just don’t get anything from it. I smoked ciggybutts for 20 years but not cigars. And I swear Scurvy is making black market versions and dropping them around the area.

And then tomorrow, I get to go chase the scarlet macaws around Red Bank! Basillio phoned and asked me to come along and shoot some photos as they have been seeing them every trip and real close too!
So with any luck I can post some good shots soon.

A couple weeks ago I was dying. Yes,, DYING! I had the same shit that morphed through the StarShip Enterprise that time Bones could’nt save anyone. Terrible, just terrible. My eyes were bleeding, I couldn’t feel my legs, my blood had turned green, and there was a constant light drawing me to it.
I had to fight it off all by myself because Mrs. Barn is so un-caring.
Me: I’m dying. Could you get me a glass of water?
Her: (waves her hand) ppfffttt, you’re not dying, you have a cold.
Me: I cant’ breath. My teeth are swollen.
Her: you big puss. Lemme alone I’m watching All My Children. Die some other time will ya.
Me: I am overheating by 6 degrees and you don’t care about anything except Adam Chandler. I need to get my things in order.
Her: shut the fuck up your not dying, I am qualified to say that.
Me: OK, but my demise will be on your hands.

Here is a similar video to help explain.






I have a sweet tooth for alcohol—in fact, my whole mouth likes it.

6 comments:

sandy a said...

"Poor Little Bunny".....HAHAHA oh you men make me laugh!!!
If u have a cigar left when we get there save it for Phil--he does smoke them on occasion.

adriane said...

Okay, my rebuttal in my defense. Weeks earlier ... I'm sick for two days ... fever of a 103 ... bad diarrhea. I take my own temp ... because I have no one that really cares that I'm sick. I tell him, I have a temp of 103 ... no response. No ... how are you feeling honey? Men are wimps when they are sick!!

RPM said...

Adam Chandler is still alive? Jeezus H. Christ! How long can they milk that shit out for? I thought he died back in 1987 when I was laid up from a car wreck with a script of Xanex?

p.s. Until you've has the plague of 2010 you ain't been sick. Makes malaria look like a season pass to Six Flags.

Harley said...

I seem to come down with these same symptom's every weekend. Not so much the fever. But the dry mouth, numb legs and pissy attitude persists. Funny, I get no sympathy for my condition at all.

Anonymous said...

So lets see....

The highlight of your year is fending off an imaginary "stalker"?

You have to be kidding? You need more customers and more to do.

Denise said...

lol...your eyes were bleeding...lol!!! I like the whole morphing bit. This kind of writing is why I always come back! Thanks for the laughs!!!