Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Don't read this if your blind and/or horny!



Heard a rumor that there was some gossip to be picked up down in the village.
Since I was asked to keep the gossip that is floatin round The Breach under wraps for awhile, we’ll go snag the stuff from south. I’m told it’s pretty good shit.

Probably not one of my better ideas, but our guests have been feeding the bats as well. They seen us enjoying the show and set up a banana stand.
I hope we don’t regret attracting all these bats some day, but its cheap entertainment while drinkin on the DoubleWide.

GREAT NEWS!! I got laid off yesterday! Not laid off, maybe layed off, or ‘let go’ might be better term, sent out to pasture, sent packin, punched out, got my pink slip, been downsized, set aside, FIRED! so to speak.
Whatever, I am no longer e-m-p-l-o-y-e-d! WHOO FUCKIN HOOO!
So, being ‘retired’ I hear has its bennies. My next trip to Denver I will bring back my new handicapped parking permit. And the biggie will be frontsie’s in all the beer lines!
“Old retired guy comin thru,, make a hole”. Then just watch the crowds part like that dude Moses, Chuck Norris was in da hood.
And if that don’t work, I can use my old stand-by, “Why don’t you make like a tree and fuck off!”

Hey,, bout that free tattoo I won. I see the voting is bout done and Mental Breach has barely inched out the portrait of Oprah. But,, I have been informed that I did not actually win a tattoo,, just 50 bucks off a tattoo. Not like I wanted a huge portrait of Oprah, but I know you can’t get shit for 50 bucks.
It’s like the 2 times Mrs. Barn has won a RT flight on Tropic to BZ city. It’s not a RT flight, it’s a RT flight WITH restrictions. You have to fly standby and could get bumped anywhere along the way. Once she tried to fly back from BZ city and they wouldn’t let her. She had to walk over to Maya and buy a flight back.
Always expect strings to be attached to anything ‘free’.
I wonder if my ‘free’ pizza will come with cheese?

And since I am now un-employed, it might not be the best time to barf out my hard earned schmoola on a tattoo of Oprah. What to do, what to do. Oprah is good bout giving money away. Anyone got her cell phone #? Anyone,, Beuller?

For whatever reason, the music uploader has been working. So I loaded up some 'H' music. Hank Williams 3rd, Huey Lewis, Humble pie.



Oprah:

Another word for- sociopath. Oprah panders her new-age crap at bored, upper-middle class women who, like Germans in the 30's listening to the demented rantings of another maniac, buy it hook, line and sinker. A billionaire who connives women into believing that she's 'one of the girls'. Gives cars away to poor people, naturally on international TV so everyone can SEE how great she is. Cars aren't registered OR insured however. Poor people lose 'free' car. Oprah looks like saint. Disgusting. Has a golden toilet. No shit.

"When Jesus whups the anti-Christ, it'll be Oprah, and Dr Phil will be the false prophet...

4 comments:

Sandy A. said...

50 USD would get you a smallish medium-sized tattoo at my place, but the equivalent 25 BZD would just get you a cursive name or kanji symbol. Maybe you could get the kanji for "Oprah"?? LOL!!!!!

Anonymous said...

So Mz. Barn canned ya? Do you gotta move out or can ya just hang around and get in the way all day?
Jesse (retired)

Belizean Beach Bums said...

Barn, a word to the wise, "retirement makes you blind"

Sharyn

BUNKSTER said...

How did you get Layed off/fired?