You know it's cold when you see two Chachalacha's snuggling in a tree!
I want to try something new here in bloggerville. It's works for Dr. Phil so I thought I'd give it a go. If it catches on, it may be a weekly deal?
It's called,, "Ask Barnacle".
Bring on those life altering questions!
Dear Barnacle,
My wife’s sister wants me to ‘bone’ her in the worst way. What would you do?
Signed,, Confused in MooseSnot Canada.
Dear Confused,
I would suggest you start ‘bonin’ up on your balance skills.
If she wants it in the ‘worst way’, that would have to be standing up in the hammock. Good luck with that! And send me a copy of the video!
Barnacle.
Hey Barn,
My wife thinks I’m an idiot. She never sees any good I do, only when I screw up.
Sure, I screw up a lot but Christ, I’m trying.
Signed, Help Me!
Dear Help Me,
Have your balls not dropped yet? Can you borrow some from some friend? I have 3, I could rent you one. Or,, head up north to MooseSnot and look for Confused’s future ex.
P.S. you're an idiot.
Your welcome
Barn.
Dear Barnacle,
What’s the secret to a happy marriage?
Signed, Married for one week.
Dear first week,,
The secret is denial, denial, denial. Never admit to anything. Use phrases like “it was broke when I got here”, “I was never even in that bar!”, “I was staring at her because, because I thought she was this leukemia patient I saw on TV and I felt sorry for her.” "No,, that was not me who farted."
Practice these in the mirror till you look
Then, for complete gratification, when your new wife is not looking, sneak into her purse, take out her Chapstick and give it a couple twirls around the cat’s ass before you sneak it back!
Bonus tip: Hold off on the smoochin for about a week after the Chapstick thing.
Hope that helps!
Barnacle
My liver entered itself in a Tough Man competition.
4 comments:
But never forget the emergency reserve divorce chute. They are expensive, but worth every penney.
And a follow up...
Why do you have the Adult Content warning? It's got to be hurting your hits. Unless you have a pic of you and Mrs. Barnacle in flagrante, there's no need for the block.
Barn -- RpM is correct --you use your tongue in a way that's as purdy as a twenty dollar whore. Me and the Terra-Mako been doing the Playa thing for years, been thinking Belize the last few times. I do beleive this go around, that Belize is the spot. I enjoy your scrawl and will put back a few cold ones as I read on.Oh and Dr.Duecebag Phil went to College around the corner here at N.Texas majoring in Liberal Arts. He needs the chap stick thing.
Yor 2 sexy 4 those shorts, 2 sexy 4 those shorts, so sexy it horts..
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