Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ten dolla fried chicken and 6 Belikins please,,,make that 12 Belikins,,Mrs. Barn drinks beer now too,,,

Today we're going to talk about health. More directly about diet. Seems every day we hear about something causing cancer. Then the next day , no it don't, it's good for you. Probably depends all on who you ask. If it tastes good, it will kill you. Same as some habits we have. If you enjoy them, they will kill you faster than you can say "you betcha",(insert Sarah Palin wink here). But we are all dying. It's just a matter of time. And since no one knows when you are going to die, how can some one say “he died before his time.?
I'm not afraid of dieing, I just don't want to be there when it happens!
So let's see if I can help clear up some of the misconceptions that are floating around out there.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! . . Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Death is a merciless killer and will stop at nothing to wipe out the human race. Overpopulating the planet is a great way to fight death, but it's not enough.


Linda said...

Makes perfect sense!!

Carole (in Berlin, Germany)

Ray Jennings said...

Could you give an update about the flooding? I hear the water is coming down the mountain when she comes, which is supposed to be Wednesday. How is Maya Beach fairing in all this and how did Greg get through if the Kendall bridge and the bridge by the dump are out?

rabbitmoon said...

Much needed reminder of process of dying....love the veggie misconceptions! Thanks doc barn! keep winking