Bat-Women?

a couple of mrs. Barns photos,,,

EDIT: see the little gecko under the board? He likes banana's too!

When in doubt,,, GAS IT!!

Of all the tweeters that visit ‘chez Barnacle, I personally think this guy has the best paint job.
A golden fronted woodpecker, A.K.A. “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE”! Him and his significant other can really make some racket. Especially when there is no nanner’s out for them. It’s like their way of getting my attention I guess. I can get real close to them but I don’t think they will ever feed from my hand. Certainly not after I talk to him like that.

I just saw the reincarnation of Mrs. Barns motorcycle.

A little history.

We brought here with us 2 motorcycles. Her ’94 Honda XR250r,

and the ’98 Honda XR400r I had just acquired.


When we first met, I talked her outa buying snow ski’s and instead buying a motorcycle. I have had bikes of various types since I was about 14. We rode all over the Rocky Mountains camping and partying with a group of friends affectionately referred to as “The Heathens”. And sometimes “The Knights of the Round Tire”. I would somehow become known as ‘Sir Drinksalot’.
And the “Sisters of the Immaculate Transmission.’
We had some fun back then. Some of it would earn me a seat in the V.I.P. section at Satan’s weekly marshmallow roast!

Mrs. Barn entered most every poker run from ’88 to ’97, and even won one event!
I entered a couple races each season in the R.M.E.C. (rocky mountain endure circuit). My best finish was a 3rd place at a hare & hound in Berthoud.
I was a KTM rider and sold my ’95 when we came here as I knew parts would be non-existant. Hence the Honda 4oo.
I believe I still hold the land speed record from the Breach to Dangriga. I could cut thru the banana plantations and shave about 10 miles off the trip. And, they use a trolley system to move the banana’s around. It was like a video game dodging them stalks of nanners as they crossed in front of me.
Anyway,, her XR has gone thru 3 owners and was litterly rode to death. But, I just saw it’s re-birth and the guy did a great job! For reasons unknown to me, the paperwork was still in my name? So technically I still owned it but I could not convince the guy of that.
I have cravings for another bike, but I would wait to see what the road ends up as. With pavement, that opens up a lot of new possibilities!
If I was still in Colorado, you can bet yer ass this would be my bike of choice!





The monkey on my back is in rehab.

Moooooooooooooo,,,!

I tell ya. Sometimes it’s just like living outside. For the second time in a couple weeks now we have had a bird loose in the house. Both times it was an Oriole.
First thing, turn off the fans!
The first time it kinda freaked Mrs. Barn as she was duckin and dodging as the thing flapped around her head. Second time she was in bed and just pulled the covers over her head while I escorted it out.
We think we need to scale back on feeding all the critters. They are getting a bit rude and demanding about it all. Not to mention all the dead banana skins down in the sand. It is fun tho!

Went the next round with the “Geno Special BBQ’ last night. And in light of new experiences, we are now in the market for a gas grill. It’s not so much the grill it’s self as it is the charcoal. And when I say charcoal, I mean CHARcoal. This is not the Kingsford stuff you are used to. Nope. It does work but not like I want/need. And there is no charcoal fluid to be found. Luckily, we have a few cans of Zippo fuel left over from the daze when Mental Breach was home to the only, official Zippo distributor in the country! And it takes almost a whole can to get the coal going.

I think I drank 5 beers while waiting for things to get hot.
Lets see, 5 beers at 20 minutes per beer, is 100 minutes, or 1 hour and 40 minutes for glowing coals. Not counting the time required to go allll the way across the DoubleWide, into “chez Barnacle, over to the stand up beer cooler and then make the journey back!
But once it all was glowing, we tossed on them rib-eye steaks we got from Reagan. Turns out, they were very good! As you can see here.

Check the new Dread Zepplin tune in the juke box!



If MLK told me “I have a dream…” I’d have been “Was it that one where all your clothes have turned into ferrets and you’re late for work?”

And then he’d get all distracted and forget what his dream really was. It’s probably a good thing I was never part of his posse.

I need case's and case's of Sudafed,,,

As I sit here at 0530, I can hear Doris’s roosters going off. Not one of them can properly pronounce ‘cock-a-doodle-doo’. I hear ‘rut-ti-ti-acck’, ar-ar-ar-ooooh’ and blat-blee-blee-wheee’, but none of the normal rooster sounds I would expect. I swear, from the sounds that one rooster makes, they have already served up his McNuggets!

And now and again the turkey will chime in. He is educated. He knows what sound he is to make, and it is correct. It’s not really ‘gobble gobble’ but I can’t spell it.
I was denied a peacock, and it sounds like that may have been a wise idea.
So, I have found another source for some back-up to the already top crack security team at the ‘chez Barnacle Estates.
Umpa Lumpa’s.
Yes! I am told these are exceptional little bad-ass’es, especially when fed a steady diet of meth.

I found a source for the Umpa Lumpa’s, but I am having a hard time with the meth. I am not too sure One Barrel rum will produce the desired results but that’s the first choice. Maybe One Barrel mixed with chocolate milk?
Fuck yea!

EDIT: I am beginning to re-think this. Do I really want a bunch of rum-drunk queer midgets running loose round here? Chocolate milk foam in the corners of their mouths. I would have to keep them caged. And would that be right? Fuck!



I received another video worthy of sharing. What a goofball!





Umpa Lumpa

Creepy midget that wears creepy makeup and sings creepy songs for its creepy candy masters. It is soulless, having long since lost its humanity and driven insane by a diet consisting entirely of sugar and occasionally innocent, abandoned children. In battle, usually traveling in packs, it is able to channel the glucose stored in its defiled body to become rage incarnate. Despite its appearance, it is ruthlessly efficient and incredibly difficult to kill.

"We're in some real pretty Umpa Lumpa shit now man... That's it man, game over man, game over!"

"What do you mean "THEY cut the power"? How could Umpa Lumpas cut the power, man? They're animals!"

"Look there's something moving in here and it ain't us! Reading's off the charts man! Umpa Lumpas all around us man! What the hell?"

I tink I'm in Fargo, Eh... (UPDATED)

Road work goes on as usual. Made a town run yesterday and saw more progress.
It’s nice to know that with the economy up north, most if not all the truck traffic is road work related, not condo trucks. Condo construction seems to have come to a grinding halt. Well, with the exception of up north and we all have suspicions where that funding is coming from.
The peninsula has its first billboard! Oh sure, there have been big signs around the airstrip but they would hardly qualify as a billboard.
No, this is the real deal. Just like you would see on any Miami street corner. As generally accepted the Cocoplum project may be, this blogger sees that as a bit tacky. The owner has again sunk a bunch of money into it, well constructed, landscaped all around the base, but it’s still a billboard.
And you can’t miss it (that’s the whole point, right?), it’s right at the airstrip curve. If your gonna have a billboard, at least it's a nice one.
And you can bet your last beer this won’t be the end of them.

I swear, this has got to be the longest, coldest winter in Mental Breach history! Recorded history anyway. Last night, no matter how much anti-freeze we installed, we never really got warm. Blankets all on the bed, but when you rotate the pillow to the other side, look out!


Get up to take a whizz and when your feets hit that cold floor,,, I remembered going out to get the newspaper back in Denver in January with no shoes! I had to look out the window to confirm we had not been mysteriously transported to Alberta or some shit!
If you look close at that thermometer by Mrs. Barn, you can make out the butt-clinchin cold temp at about 1830 last night! And it dropped faster than the level of beer in my bottle!
OK,, almost everyone from up north who we tell this too just laughs. “Oh, I’m from pick-any-city-up-north-that-you-consider-cold. It was what-ever-cold-temp when we left, I don’t think I will be needing those blankets.”
But what they fail to realize is that we don’t have a thermostat to crank up, hell, we don’t even have windows we can close! If it’s 62 outside, it’s 62 inside! And don’t lie to me. If it’s 62 at your house, you turn up the heat.
I take that back. Both rentals do have a thermostat mounted on the wall.
Maybe I need to install one here as well?
Oh, and the next morning, the guests tell us they did use their blankets after all!




UPDATE: 2 new tunes. Dr. Hook and The Why Store. Check 'em out!



Chill:

1. To calm down
2. Cool, tight, wicked, sick, sweet, nice, etc.
3. A little bit cold

Laquesha: YOU FUCKIN HOE BAG I HATE YOU DIE BITCH
Tammy: Wow chill.

Dear Abbey Dear Abbey, you won't believe this,,,

Things are not really getting any better yet. Looks like my rambling will be kept to a minimum.

Things I never say since moving to Belize:

• I’m going to the car wash, be right back.
• Grab some doughnuts on the way home would ya.
• I see there’s a motocross race this weekend. Wanna go?
• Why no officer, I’m not drinking and driving.
• Man, this traffic is fucked. Let’s take the next exit.
• The Diamond Cabaret (hi-class tittie bar) has its girls washing cars in the parking lot!
• Watch out down by the stadium, I saw a speed trap there.
• Did that siren wake you up last night?
• I don’t wanna go out tonite. I hear there will be DUI checkpoints everywhere.
• Got dam that was a good steak!
• Almost time to change the furnace filter again.
• I got the swamp cooler all ready to go for the season.
• Heres a coupon where they will change the oil and filter for 5 bucks.
• I forgot to set out the re-cycle bin last night.


And some shit I never used to say living in Denver:

• There’s a guy out front selling fresh lobster.
• The cops are here. They want me to give them a ride back to the station.
• The prime minister was on the Tropic flight with me.
• I was almost creamed by an airplane.
• Look at the size of that fuckin bug!
• Yea, gimme 2 of them beers to go.
• That snake is back in the bedroom window again.
• Has the beer delivery got here yet?
• That bucket is full of pig tails!
• I’d like 36 bananas please.
• We went all the way to Dangriga and never saw another car.
• Look at that. There’s 17 people in the back of that Toyota pick-up!
• Our cat was eaten by a snake. Fuck.



When the guy at the door yelled, “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,” I assumed it was someone bringing more supplies.