Dear Abbey Dear Abbey, you won't believe this,,,

Things are not really getting any better yet. Looks like my rambling will be kept to a minimum.

Things I never say since moving to Belize:

• I’m going to the car wash, be right back.
• Grab some doughnuts on the way home would ya.
• I see there’s a motocross race this weekend. Wanna go?
• Why no officer, I’m not drinking and driving.
• Man, this traffic is fucked. Let’s take the next exit.
• The Diamond Cabaret (hi-class tittie bar) has its girls washing cars in the parking lot!
• Watch out down by the stadium, I saw a speed trap there.
• Did that siren wake you up last night?
• I don’t wanna go out tonite. I hear there will be DUI checkpoints everywhere.
• Got dam that was a good steak!
• Almost time to change the furnace filter again.
• I got the swamp cooler all ready to go for the season.
• Heres a coupon where they will change the oil and filter for 5 bucks.
• I forgot to set out the re-cycle bin last night.


And some shit I never used to say living in Denver:

• There’s a guy out front selling fresh lobster.
• The cops are here. They want me to give them a ride back to the station.
• The prime minister was on the Tropic flight with me.
• I was almost creamed by an airplane.
• Look at the size of that fuckin bug!
• Yea, gimme 2 of them beers to go.
• That snake is back in the bedroom window again.
• Has the beer delivery got here yet?
• That bucket is full of pig tails!
• I’d like 36 bananas please.
• We went all the way to Dangriga and never saw another car.
• Look at that. There’s 17 people in the back of that Toyota pick-up!
• Our cat was eaten by a snake. Fuck.



When the guy at the door yelled, “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,” I assumed it was someone bringing more supplies.