Actual conversation on the ‘doublewide’.
Me: Our guests asked me today what the huge developments are going to do with their sewage. I told them that the developer claims they are going to use systems so advanced, that they will send turds into the future.
Her: I want to get a tivo.
Me: Can you imagine sending turds thru time? How well would they travel?
Her: With a tivo I could record movies from the future.
Me: But I think it would be better to send them into the past. So you would not have to deal with them again.
Her: I heard with a tivo you can interact with the actors, trip them, make ‘em fall down and shit.
Me: If the turds go back in time, would I all the sudden have weird memories of some long gone turd?
Her: Are you fucking listening to me?
Me: Wouldn't that be weird to be just sittin here and have a turd all the sudden plop right there! From the future!!
Her: No, your weird.
Me: I know if you put instant coffee in a microwave it goes back in time.
Her: (groan)
Me: I’m gonna try it with one of those ‘Cincinnati Steamers’ FuzzNutts dropped in the cat box.
Her: You put a cat turd in the microwave and you’re dead!
Me: Just one. It’ll be fun.
Her: *sigh* Listen dumbass, a microwave will not send a cat turd back in time. Look it up.
Me: Oh I’ll look it up alright. I’ll look it up in “THE DICTIONARY OF SHIT I’M RIGHT ABOUT”.
Her: If your turd goes into the future, what will happen to that dinner your about to eat? Think on that!
Me: Fuck,, good point!
Me: Is this the strangest conversation we ever had?
Her: Not even close.
(Adriane's tiger heron photo)
I am the answer to the question, “What kind of idiot pukes in a bidet?”
10 comments:
You made my Tuesday morning!
Now I'm busy sortin' turds...
I think the microwave has to be in a DeLorean going 88 mph for that to work.
Conversations like this one: the reason you 2 are still married!
You guys are too funny :o)
I've done research in the "future" where a lot of those turds will be going.
The lagoon, uh, "future" is approxmately 14 miles long, half a mile wide and 6' deep. The upper and middle basins are not heavily flushed and are much smaller than that. Those treatment plants give off effluent with about 2ppm phosphorus. A concentration of 0.05 ppm makes a water body "eutrophic" (high nutrient). An average person will use between 5-20 gallons of water per day.
If you do the math, you'll be dropping turds alright.
That is a bunch of shit!
Don't worry. It's in the future.
Great blog
Just too funny!!!! I'm getting the ole Turd Shedder out of the closet now.
Cheers
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